We went to the doctors on Tuesday for a follow up. I was very happy with how the clinic has dealt with our situation. Our dr. sat with us for two hours going over both cycles with us and explaining every detail. I guess all four doctors that work at the center met on Monday to discuss. They just couldn't understand why my eggs were in such rough condition. I have high fsh but nolt high enough for it to damage my eggs they way they were. I'm young and am not going through menopause yet as i'm still getting a monthly period.
So....they think it may be chromosonal. We have to go to the children's hospital in three months and be tested. In my head I thought if they had tested the babies last May I would of known that I miscarried due to chromosomal issues. If anyone has any input on this i'd love to hear it. Its a lot to take in. I don't quite understand it all. They told us that once the results come in we will meet again and discuss our next step.
They did say that they recommended we start the adoption process.
Poor Danny had a difficult time with this. I must say I can't compare it to the feelings I felt after the miscarriage. I'm not giving up. But it crosses my mind almost everyday.
I came back to work with lots of hugs and pictures from those innocent students of mine. Man I envy them.
This is tough but I am determined to have a good year.
We are in the midst of planning a trip to Iceland. We wanted something with a bit of adventure and something unique. I would of said yes to almost anything.
Reality is still setting in. I may never carry my own child. I may never carry my own genetics. But I will be a mother and that is the most important thing.
I"ve had two miscarriages (early) due to chromosonal abnormalities with the embryo. Going forward we're doing genetic screening of all our embryos to make sure they're good (even though we only have 2-3 per cycle to work with -- I have diminished ovarian reserve and typically grow around 6 follies per cycle.)
ReplyDeleteWIth our clinic, we had to do a genetic consult before starting that basically meant we talked through our family medical histories with a genetic counselor, and she recommended specific screenings to do. None of those turned up anything abnormal, so for me, it's just that my eggs are behaving more like they're older than I am (consistent with diminished ovarian reserve, I suppose).
I actually found it reassuring (particularly on the second miscarriage) to find out it was due to a chromosonal problem and not with my ability to successfully carry a pregnancy (I also have immune issues that can be a problem if not controlled).
Hang in there!
Teacher I am sooo incredibly heartbroken you and Danni are going through this. First here's my take on the chromosomal issue since that is what my problem is...abnormal babies can occur in any pregnancy...even if they are not carriers of SMA, fragile X, balanced translocations/abnormal karyotypes. Abnormal pregnancies occur in what is thought to be 60% of all miscarriages and of that, only a fraction is caused by carriers of chromosomal issues from either parent. But I hope at a minimum, they give you testing for abnormal karyotype, Fragile X and/or SMA (Spinal Muscular Atrophy ??). And throw in Diminished Ovarian Reserve...I know...a nightmare. And another issue I have alot of experience with...loss of genetic connection. As you know I am 14w3d pg via DE IVF. A year ago, we both went through hell knowing that likely my genetics were on the chopping block...either via adoption or DE IVF. I can tell you, in the beginning it was horrible...worse than any miscarriage...like the death of a child that will never be. But if your heart decides to pursue adoption, donor gametes (sperm, egg) or donor embryo, etc. then the grief starts to subside. It will NEVER fully resolve itself but the joy of the anticipated adoption/donor gamete/embryo pregnancy takes over what you have "lost". I still worry incessantly about disclosure, etc. and the potential challenges that come with raising such a family but I don't have to figure this all out right now...it will come in time.
ReplyDeleteTeacher, you and Danni are in what I call the depths of hell. But please know that in time your heart will tell you what to do and it will not always feel this terrible...that I promise you.
Iceland...sounds wonderful! Enjoy! It was travel that pulled me out of the depths...a chance for the soul to heal...best medicine yet.