A Little More Details....

I can’t tell you how nice it feels to be sitting at my kitchen table with my tea typing on a laptop on a long weekend. Yesterday was a beautiful day here in Nova Scotia and with a brief conversation with my doctor I got the okay to go swimming. I spent the day in my bikini lounging around my pool, drinking 7 up and cranberry juice. It felt so normal. It felt like the last few months never happened. We are 33 weeks now. I am feeling pretty confident that things will be okay. There will always be that little bit of me that is waiting for more of the floor to drop out….since not only trying to conceive this little one was a challenge but also carrying her. Despite this I feel so much better than I did 10 weeks ago when they slammed me with the news that we may loose our miracle. The doctors seem impressed with our progress as well. Our ultrasound on Monday was great. My cervix measured 8 mm when we first arrived at 23 weeks then went down to 6mm around 28 weeks and on Monday measured 10mm which confused me a bit since I have been more mobile. Whatever the reason I am just so thankful my cervix is holding out despite everything. My mother is still here and taking care of us all. She walks the dogs, keeps the house in order and waits on me hand and foot. Her typical mothering instincts have kicked in. She has left for the weekend to be with her mother 2 hours away who’s health is failing. I know over the last ten weeks I have been short with everyone, depressed and desperately cranky. I just can’t help it sometimes. With all the aches and pains of bed rest and the thought of losing our little one my mood has been all over the place. I’m sure that when Danny and mom came to visit they didn’t know who I was going to be. A very close and wonderful friend of mine decided that to throw me a baby shower last Sunday. Something I really thought wouldn’t happen because of infertility and then our struggles through this pregnancy. Twenty five friends showed up bearing gifts and a ton of encouragement. K had the shower catered which included a spread of bacon wrapped scallops and mini cheese burgers and a ton of other yummy foods. We played your typical shower games and I visited with a lot of people I hadn’t seen in some time. It was a nice memory and K did a great job despite all the other turmoil that she is going through in her own life. As selfish as it is I just don’t want to have any summer time company and I especially don’t want company overnight. This became a heated discussion between me and hubby. Although I am happy to open our home up to family and friends at any time, right now…..I just don’t feel like company. I don’t feel like entertaining. I feel like sleeping and lounging around with my hair up in a matted mess. I feel like throwing the ball in the backyard with my dogs while drinking my morning tea or laying in bed watching the newest episode of The Bachelorette. I feel like reading the Fifty Shades of Grey series curled up on my couch or laying on my lounger in whatever I feel like wearing by my pool. Doing all these things alone, with Danny and mom. I want to go visit people but I really don’t want anyone coming here. My housekeeping has fallen to shams along with my laundry. I can’t cook much since I can’t stand up for long and I tire easily. I just don’t feel like entertaining. But hubby just couldn’t see my point and won the disagreement. Its summer and its hard to avoid . I know it may be selfish to want to keep my doors shut tight to outside company but I’m just not up to it and that’s it. In general I’m feeling good. The most important thing is that baby is doing well. Her nursery looks great and when I get it finished I’ll post some pics. Thank you to everyone who sent along encouraging words, emails, text messages, and all of you in blog world who don’t even know me but kept me in your thoughts. Were on the home stretch! PS~ Blogger won't let me make paragraphs...sorry if it seems to jump around a bit!

Home sweet home.....63 days of bed rest complete

After 63 days of hospital bedrest (that is nine weeks!) I am home. They did an ultrasound Monday which concluded very little change with my cervix. After reaching 32 weeks they felt it was safe for me to go home. It took less than three minutes to pack up my hospital room. All restrictions have been lifted except any long distance walking. Baby is doing wonderful! She weighed in on Monday at 4 lbs 2 ounces and was right on track. I will post more later but happy to be home with hubby and my mamma taking good care of us!

50 Days Hospital Bedrest - I want to go home....

I thought I was getting out today. I have done so well with my four hour hospital passes. No cramping, no contractions, no bleeding. I went home for an overnight Friday which was amazing. Amazing to be on my own schedule, breakfast in bed, movie cuddling with hubby, sunbathing by the pool. Still had that wheel chair which my dogs got a kick out of..... But amazing....and then I had to come back. Come back to the foam beds, plastic pillows, shitty food and the lonely nights and it was hard. I spent Saturday night and Sunday sulking like my four year old students do. And when Danny walked into the room Monday I looked at him and started crying. No words, just tears. So I asked the doctor if I could go home. He agreed on an ultrasound for today. Ultrasond went well. Baby is weighing in at 3 lbs 10 ounces at 30w 4d. Average baby weight. But as soon as he looked at that cervix he shook his head. He can touch the babys head through my cervix. Its that soft. And with that he said I had to stay. My next ultrasound is the 25th. I was disappointed. But overjoyed that baby is healthy and doing well in there. A small sacrifice for a miracle. My body aches after I return from my four hour outings. The physiotherapist warned me about this. 6 weeks of complete bedrest does quite the number on your muscles. I have lost that much muscle tone that the two weeks that I have been granted more mobility of just getting in and out of my car, sitting for long periods of time and walking the small amount I do walk has caused me to feel as if I just finished a pilates class. I can hardly move. I couldn't believe it. Once I am up and walking I wonder how that will feel. Despite our disappointing news today I feel ever so thankful and blessed that our miracle is alive, And healthy.

42 days of hospital bedrest

I have never enjoyed rainy days as much as I have since entering the hospital. I find the sound of the rain hitting my hospital window comforting. It feels like I'm not missing anything. That the weather will determine my mood for the day and unlike when I am home, rain makes me happy. Laying in bed is what you do on dreary days isn't it? Four days ago we had our 29 week ultrasound. This ultrasound was a big deal since all week my doctor talked about sending me home if all was well. Our little girl was weighing in around 2 lbs 12 ounces. Doctor was happy with all measurements. My cervix however has shortened from 8 mm to 6 mm. Doctor said cervix is so soft he could push right through to my water bag. With that information he decided to keep me another three weeks. From there they will do another ultrasound and reevaluate. But he did grant me day passes which make a huge difference! Anytime I leave the hospital bed, other than washroom breaks, I am in a wheel chair but boy is it nice to be around other people, ride in a vehicle and enjoy the sunshine. Friday mom and me went to the mall on a little shopping trip. On saturday Danny, myself and some family went to the waterfront for fish and chips and yesterday Danny and I did a bit of baby shopping. My passes are only three hours long. Just enough time to spend some money! I booked the spa on Thursday for a massage, pedicure and a well needed haircut. I am allowed to sit up in bed now and once a week visits. So although I'm still here for the next three weeks it won't be like the last 6. Neonatal team came back for a visit. Last time I seen them I was 23 weeks and circumstances were very different. They gave us a 90% chance of survival and 10% chance of long term disability if baby was born this week. They also gave us a tour of the nicu. Everyone was very kind and took the time to explain it all to us, answering any questions we had. I am feeling much better and will breathe a lot better when 32 weeks comes and doctors feel the baby is "baked" enough for me to go home. I miss my bed almost as much as my husband.