A Little More Details....

I can’t tell you how nice it feels to be sitting at my kitchen table with my tea typing on a laptop on a long weekend. Yesterday was a beautiful day here in Nova Scotia and with a brief conversation with my doctor I got the okay to go swimming. I spent the day in my bikini lounging around my pool, drinking 7 up and cranberry juice. It felt so normal. It felt like the last few months never happened. We are 33 weeks now. I am feeling pretty confident that things will be okay. There will always be that little bit of me that is waiting for more of the floor to drop out….since not only trying to conceive this little one was a challenge but also carrying her. Despite this I feel so much better than I did 10 weeks ago when they slammed me with the news that we may loose our miracle. The doctors seem impressed with our progress as well. Our ultrasound on Monday was great. My cervix measured 8 mm when we first arrived at 23 weeks then went down to 6mm around 28 weeks and on Monday measured 10mm which confused me a bit since I have been more mobile. Whatever the reason I am just so thankful my cervix is holding out despite everything. My mother is still here and taking care of us all. She walks the dogs, keeps the house in order and waits on me hand and foot. Her typical mothering instincts have kicked in. She has left for the weekend to be with her mother 2 hours away who’s health is failing. I know over the last ten weeks I have been short with everyone, depressed and desperately cranky. I just can’t help it sometimes. With all the aches and pains of bed rest and the thought of losing our little one my mood has been all over the place. I’m sure that when Danny and mom came to visit they didn’t know who I was going to be. A very close and wonderful friend of mine decided that to throw me a baby shower last Sunday. Something I really thought wouldn’t happen because of infertility and then our struggles through this pregnancy. Twenty five friends showed up bearing gifts and a ton of encouragement. K had the shower catered which included a spread of bacon wrapped scallops and mini cheese burgers and a ton of other yummy foods. We played your typical shower games and I visited with a lot of people I hadn’t seen in some time. It was a nice memory and K did a great job despite all the other turmoil that she is going through in her own life. As selfish as it is I just don’t want to have any summer time company and I especially don’t want company overnight. This became a heated discussion between me and hubby. Although I am happy to open our home up to family and friends at any time, right now…..I just don’t feel like company. I don’t feel like entertaining. I feel like sleeping and lounging around with my hair up in a matted mess. I feel like throwing the ball in the backyard with my dogs while drinking my morning tea or laying in bed watching the newest episode of The Bachelorette. I feel like reading the Fifty Shades of Grey series curled up on my couch or laying on my lounger in whatever I feel like wearing by my pool. Doing all these things alone, with Danny and mom. I want to go visit people but I really don’t want anyone coming here. My housekeeping has fallen to shams along with my laundry. I can’t cook much since I can’t stand up for long and I tire easily. I just don’t feel like entertaining. But hubby just couldn’t see my point and won the disagreement. Its summer and its hard to avoid . I know it may be selfish to want to keep my doors shut tight to outside company but I’m just not up to it and that’s it. In general I’m feeling good. The most important thing is that baby is doing well. Her nursery looks great and when I get it finished I’ll post some pics. Thank you to everyone who sent along encouraging words, emails, text messages, and all of you in blog world who don’t even know me but kept me in your thoughts. Were on the home stretch! PS~ Blogger won't let me make paragraphs...sorry if it seems to jump around a bit!