36 days hospital bedrest

Yes we are still here but there may be an end in sight. Our next scan is Thursday. If there is no change and cervix and baby look great there going to send me home. Mom is here from Ontario to help us out and has agreed to stay until baby is here. I love my mom. She has become country girl meets city since i'm not around to drive her around and help her out. She has taken over the care of our two pooches by walking them and running them twice a day. She also bought herself a gps and has been jetting all around the city. If you knew my mom you'd know this is a big deal for her. City driving makes her nervous. I mean she lives on a dirt road with the first stop light 10 min. away. I am so thankful to have her here to help us all out. How am I making out in here? Im 28 w 4 d now and am feeling better with the gestational age of the baby. 23 weeks was scary. 28 is still scary but a bit more manageable. I spent an hour online last night scanning through articles of other babies that were born around 28, 29, 30 weeks gestational age which scared me way to much. I wont be doing that again. I know this is whats best for our baby. A small sacrifice...really. My bum has bruises on it from the bedrest. The hospital has hot packs which I use daily on my hips and back. I feel kinda like when you have the flu and your skin is sore. I havent felt any contractions but it often feels like the beginning of my period. Just crampy. Im hoping this is the normal aches and pains of the third trimester. They still have me on progesterone 4 times a day and said if my water breaks before 34w they will give us another shot of steroids for her lungs. We have had a beautiful spring here in NS. Temps ranging between 15-25 degrees. So its like heaven on those two days a week that they let me outside in a wheelchair for 20 mins. Danny has been here everyday and has proven that his lack of visits at the beginning of our stay was essentially stress and lack of time. With mom here he has stayed the weekends and comes by either on his lunch or for supper. He has done an amazing job with all the yard work that needed to be done. As well as all those spring chores like opening our pool, power washing the deck etc. Mom took care of all our gardens this year. So things are still running smooth without me home. So were hanging in there. I will update you after Thursday's scan. Hurry up Thursday!!!

30 days hospital bedrest - happy birthday to me!

I celebrated my 33rd birthday from my hospital bed. The weather was fantastic and although I had plans to go outside in my wheelchair with hubby, a forest fire nearby didn't make that possible. The hospital went on lock down due to the smoke and we werent allowed to leave. My afternoon was filled with good friends, take out and very thoughtful gifts. It was really nice. I put on an outfit other than just pjs, did my makeup and felt pretty good. What a disappointment when everyone left. I know I looked pathetic sitting on the edge of my bed while the last three friends and my mother left holding while I held back tears. Its hard saying goodbye to friends and family when you had looked forward to a moment for so long. As for baby things are still stable. Baby is moving like crazy and no contractions or any change. Doctor told me today that we won't be doing another ultrasound till next week. Im so eager to find out babys growth and to find out if my cervix is the same. We are now at 27w 4d. Friday we will be 28w. I am feeling a lot better but I will feel so much better when we get into the 30's. Come on June!

22 days bed rest - happy birthday hubby!

Happy birthday to my hubby. Last night with friends and the little bit of family we have here we celebrated Dannys birthday from my hospital room. It was simple with take out food from our favourite restaurant and a ice cream cake with no candles. It was nice. I had been looking forward to it all day. At 26 weeks there has been no change which I am very thankful for. Another ultrasound confirmed that baby has gone from a pound in a half to 2 pounds 1 ounce. Her measurements were right on as well. My cervix is still measuring 8 mm with no uterine activity. So despite the bed rest and shitty cervix I feel this is the best news I can receive. Mom has been here a week and has proven to be a gods send. She cleans my house, bring me home cooked meals, walks my dogs. All of this allows hubby to be here a bit more without stress. Although the only goal of all of this is to bring my daughter into this world as healthy as possible and I wil stay here for as long as it takes, it does make you a bit crazy. Not being able to sit up or lay on my back has my hips feeling as if I have broken bones! I have taken advatage of the hospital heat pads and have started physio. I guess that when your on bedrest your body doesnt grow with your pregnancy and often balance becomes an issue along with muscle loss. I am so thankful we have made it to 26 weeks and am praying for at least another 4-6 weeks. Were hanging in there dear friends! Keep on praying.

Day 14 bedrest

Its funny how the days and weeks all blend together. I have nothing to pinpoint a moment. I know I've spoken to certain people or people have visited but it is difficult to remember when it occured.....this week? Yesterday? Mom gets in tomorrow. I cant wait to have her here. Life will be a bit easier once she arrives. Danny is afraid she might smother us. I told him I was comfortable telling her that if that is the case. Danny has been so good through this although I get the impression that once he gets here he can't wait to leave. He paces around the room and often complains about the amount of work that needs to be done at home. He has gone as far as make comments about how he would love to be lazing his days away, like me. I feel that my sacrifices have been over looked. That he is able to escape the hospitals, doctors, treatments. That our "team" approach has gone down the drain. I cant identify if his behaviour is because he can't do anything to help the situation so his feelings of helplessness drive him away from the reality I live in or if he is just truly bord in my company right now. Discussing this with him ends in frustration so I find myself struggling with ways to handle our situation on my own without asking him for anything. To say the least I am disappointed and that doesnt happen very often. We have another ultrasound Thuursday. I will fill you in on how that goes. Thanks again for the support.

Day 10 bedrest

Sorry for the few day late response. Days flow together pretty quickly here. So does time. Our ultrasound confirmed no change in a week. The cervix on the ultrasound screen looked like a zipper undoing from the inside. The bottom was closed with no dialation but the top was split wide open. Doctor said that with what he seen today and with the thought in mind that things could change any day he would give us a 60 percent chance of making it to 30 weeks and 20 percent chance of making it any farther than that. Ive been feeling pretty yucky to be honest. Food just doesnt digest right when your laying horizontal all the time. Ive been on a ton of different drugs to get my plumming moving. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesnt. Its not the bed rest that kills me as much as the inability to leave my room. They wont let danny wheel me out. I must stay horizontal. My showers are only 3-5 min long. I get excited when 5 pm rolls around cause I know I can go to bed soon. We have named our little miracle. I havent totally decided on a middle name but her name is Grace. She is moving a lot more and im feeling so many different sensations. Im not sure if I was feeling all those sensations before and was just so busy I didnt notice or that she is getting bigger, stronger and more active. I was able to capture a few moments of her kicking on video yesterday. How am I 'really' feeling many of you asked..... Honestly terrified. Im scared of whats to come. A nicu baby and all the worry and insecurity. The labour and delivery of a premature baby. If I think real hard im not sure how I will handle it all. Its all so scary. With the goal being only to bring Grace into the world healthy and safetly, I cant help but feel sadness. A teeny tiny bit of selfishness creeps in when I think of what has been robbed from me again. There is guilt for feeling sadness toward things that dont matter in the end. We had to cancel my shower that was booked for May 27th. A shower that will never be. I had a consultation the first week of June with our photographer on pregnancy photos that will never be. Prenatal classes were cancelled. Dog training for a new baby has been pushed aside. 3 days before I was admitted, at the gas station a random women said conrats to me. Confirmation that I looked pregnant. People were noticing without knowing. All those weeks of walking around pushing my belly out didnt have to be anymore. I looked pregnant! Little things such as these that have been a dream, only imagined for four years were becoming my reality. I once again will tuck them away into my dream world deep inside my mind. As I know life is not how you imagine it! June 1st is my first goal. That will take us to 29 weeks. I will silently let out a bit of air that ive been holding once we reach that milestone...although the doctor tells me at this stage everyday is a milestone. Mom is flying in on Wednesday to help out. If she comes Danny can spend more time here with me. Hes been a bit overwhelmed with this, work, 2 dogs and a charity fundraiser he's in charge of. Mya our year old lab was left to long alone the other day and chewed a hole in our couch and ripped the stuffing out. Moms arrival will ensure the house will stay in one peice, my dogs will get the excercise they need and danny can be a bit more involved. I am looking forward to her coming despite her emotional outbursts over the last 10 days since I have been on bedrest. She denies her basketcase behaviour. I beg to differ. Crying, words of panic, asking me the same questions over and over again just reminds me how my mother will never be invited into the delivery room with me. I will do better keeping you all posted my friends. Thanks again for the support and keep us in your thoughts! PS- sorry for any spelling errors etc. writing from an i pad laying down is a bit of a challenge!