50 Days Hospital Bedrest - I want to go home....

I thought I was getting out today. I have done so well with my four hour hospital passes. No cramping, no contractions, no bleeding. I went home for an overnight Friday which was amazing. Amazing to be on my own schedule, breakfast in bed, movie cuddling with hubby, sunbathing by the pool. Still had that wheel chair which my dogs got a kick out of..... But amazing....and then I had to come back. Come back to the foam beds, plastic pillows, shitty food and the lonely nights and it was hard. I spent Saturday night and Sunday sulking like my four year old students do. And when Danny walked into the room Monday I looked at him and started crying. No words, just tears. So I asked the doctor if I could go home. He agreed on an ultrasound for today. Ultrasond went well. Baby is weighing in at 3 lbs 10 ounces at 30w 4d. Average baby weight. But as soon as he looked at that cervix he shook his head. He can touch the babys head through my cervix. Its that soft. And with that he said I had to stay. My next ultrasound is the 25th. I was disappointed. But overjoyed that baby is healthy and doing well in there. A small sacrifice for a miracle. My body aches after I return from my four hour outings. The physiotherapist warned me about this. 6 weeks of complete bedrest does quite the number on your muscles. I have lost that much muscle tone that the two weeks that I have been granted more mobility of just getting in and out of my car, sitting for long periods of time and walking the small amount I do walk has caused me to feel as if I just finished a pilates class. I can hardly move. I couldn't believe it. Once I am up and walking I wonder how that will feel. Despite our disappointing news today I feel ever so thankful and blessed that our miracle is alive, And healthy.