22 Week update

I’ve been away for awhile. Not for any particular reason. I guess there has really been nothing to update you all on.

We are 22 weeks pregnant right now. All is well. Our 20 week ultrasound confirmed a healthy and rather large baby girl growing inside me. We were thrilled to hear this wonderful news. I started feeling movement at 17 weeks.

There is a lot of guilt related to the inability to embrace this pregnancy. I was twenty weeks before I bought her an outfit. One lousy sundress. The fear of losing this baby overshadows everything. We decided to find out the sex of the baby in order to help us embrace this pregnancy. I thought once I felt movement it would help me to embrace this pregnancy. But in reality it hasn’t helped at all. It has put a label on the baby as we refer to “it” as “her” now. But I don’t feel any closer to believing that this has happened. Is it fair to this precious miracle that I have spent the last 5 months shaking my head in amazement but also being anxiously cautious with all actions that pertain to her little life. That I have spent the last five months waiting for the shoe to fall. Waiting to hear this is the day we have lost the dream again.

I’m trying.

My baby shower is next month and I went to Babies R Us and registered on the weekend. I almost started crying when the sales rep walked me up to the desk to take my information. I wanted to say to her that I couldn’t believe I was even in this store, that I had no idea what to put on my registry as I was so scared of losing my baby. Instead I smiled and she asked if this was our first baby and I cheerfully said yes.

I asked to have my hours cut back at work. Getting up off the floor has proven to become a bit of a challenge. I’m regularly on the floor with the students playing, teaching and all the other fun stuff that comes along with being a teacher of four year olds. We are also responsible for the cleaning of our own classroom. They denied my request. I was disappointed and still am. Danny would like me to leave work now all together. As appealing as that sounds those students have become attached to me as I have to them. Leaving them now with only three months left of the school year seems so unfinished. I will stick it out until I have had enough.

Doctors visit today confirmed a weight gain of 25 lbs.. Is this a lot for 22 weeks? My neighbor said she put on 40 pounds. I was kinda striving for somewhere around there. My doctor does not seem to concerned about my weight gain so I haven’t been worried about it at all.

Anyways, wanted to check in and say things are good and we are still getting a clean bill of health for both myself and our little bean. I will do my best to keep you posted a bit better throughout the coming weeks.