I made the choice when this journey started to be very open about our infertility. The idea behind this was assist in educating our family and friends in various areas of our lives that are affected by infertility. The physical, emotional, spiritual and financial strain of it all. In most cases family and friends showed a genuine concern for our well being. I enjoyed spewing off terms and steps to procedures that people had never heard of before, while their eyes got bigger and bigger. I loved how there would be 10-15 e-mails a day from concerned family and friends while I went through our second IVF. It helped me feel that we had our very own cheerleaders.
After all we have been through it is funny now how some people decide to share their opinion on what we should do next. How when I say that we are going to peruse donor eggs many different people have opinions on why that is not a good idea. Why adoption should be our first choice. Why spending all that money will be wasted on not a sure thing. Why having to explain to that child that they have a genetic mother out their somewhere will be devastating to me.
I wonder if these people ever think of the hours that I have spent researching online, connecting with others who have been through what we are now going through, talking to doctors and nurses from clinics all over Canada and the US? Have these people ever thought of the grief that I am going through right now with the realization that I may never have my own genetic child and the anger I have toward my body. Do these people realize the maternal drive that I have to carry my own child, nurse my child and it is difficult for me to put a price tag on that? They don’t because if they did they would respect our decision, support us and trust that we have done all that we can do order to make the right decision for our family.
Hi -- you don't know me -- but I surfed over from Tammy Wondra's blog. I couldn't read this and not give you a virtual hug, and say "screw you" to anyone who is not supportive about donor eggs. A dear friend of mine did DE successfully after POF. Her joy is indescribable, the problems all surmountable.
ReplyDeleteI know the decision to move to DE is not at all easy, but if it's the right thing for you it's a beautiful, wonderful thing.
I wish you luck, joy, and comfort.
Hi there...also a newbie on your blog..the title caught my eye when on someone else's. I agree with you. It's maddening. My husband and I can only have kids through ICSI due to male factor. We are on our second try and when I mentioned DE as the third try to a friend, she said "you're not the one with the problem...why don't you JUST get yourself artificially inseminated by donor sperm"!!! Totally uneducated comment. There is nothing "JUST" about IVF and donor eggs have a 65% chance of success and donor sperm has 10%. Like you say...people just don't know anything about this and make statements not based on anything in our realities. It seems that when some one comments on anything foreign to them, 'principal' presides. Everyone needs to know that until they have dealt with the possibility of never holding their own child, their principles play no role. All the best my dear. Nova Scotia hey? Lucky! Beautiful picture
ReplyDeleteFor a long time, I was in complete denial because the doctors couldn't find any reason why we shouldn't be able to have children. When I finally accepted that I was infertile and prone to m/c, I was VERY GUARDED about my secret. I felt like I was broken and incomplete and, after our third failure, cried myself to sleep for about a month straight.
ReplyDeleteNow that I have "been there and done that" several times, I wonder if I wasn't made to go through this journey so that I could share my story with other women who might be suffering a similar fate.
This was our very last attempt at DE IVF and, although I am now 11 weeks with twins, there isn't a day that doesn't go by when I think of how easily it could have gone the other way too.
People who have never suffered through infertility will never understand - hard as they may try. That's why we're here! :o)
I can empathize - it never ceases to amaze me that people think they can be a part of our decision making when it comes to baby-making. Did they ask our opinion when they decided to have children? No. So why should our when, why and how be of any concern to them? I'm sorry you are dealing with this, but kudos to you for openly sharing your story. It is challenging to put something so raw and emotional out there for all to read --- and for all to scrutinize.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I wanted to let you know that I nominated you for a blogger award. Swing by my blog to pick it up when you get the chance. :)
Teacher...I think of you all the time and just not sure why you do not come up on my blogger list?! So my deepest apologies...if you ever need to talk to someone who's been there and done that with regard to DE please email me at LisainSK@sasktel.net. As for being open about IF...I am very open about IF as well and find it to be a double edged sword as well. Frankly the ONLY decision who's important is YOURS and Danny's. The rest can suck up whatever decision you make because once its made they will have to live with it. Yes, DE is not 100% guarantee...and neither is adoption. The fertiles ALWAYS think that adoption is just soo convenient like there's a big Baby Walmart Adoption store where you can just pull up your cart and pick and choose whatever baby you want when you want it. Wrong...wrong...wrong. And there are small similarities between DE and Adoption...but not much. I could go on and on and on...adoption a baby was given to a couple out of love...DE...a lady gave you a cell for the potential to make a baby that carries your DH's genetic contribution of which you carry for 40 weeks. But really I look at it like this. Adoption, DE, Donor Embryo, childfree, etc....all are a calling. And for me the phone rang silent for Adoption...meanwhile was ringing off the hook with regard to DE. With much emotional work I was and still am confident in how I will explain to our DS his birth origins...as for adoption, for me, no matter how much emotional work I put into it I knew I just couldn't get over the anxiety about telling an adopted child his/her birth origins. Plus I badly wanted to experience a pregnancy. So everyone is different. Slough off the comments from the fertiles out there and keep doing what you are doing by connecting with those that are in your shoes. That's why blogs were invented!!
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