A Little Thing I Call FEAR.....

I can't shake it lately.  I know what if feels like now and I just can't get rid of it since we've started this cycle.  I know the pain and heartache and I just am so scared that I may have to feel it again. 

There are good and bad to having gone through an IVF before and experienced either a failed cycle or a miscarriage.  . 

The good:
Well you know the staff personally.  I address everyone from the secretary to the doctors by their first name.  They know me and greet me.  Its comforting.

You know what to expect.  I know how to mix the meds, administer them.  I know what could go wrong.  I organize my meds in order of use.  I'm not terrified of retrieval or the needles this time.

You get a tax refund (about the only positive financial thing there is ).

I am more educated.  I have read a ton of books on infertility, made so many more connections from an infertility therapist to a support group.

The bad:
Knowing what to expect can haunt you to.  You are no longer naive.  You know what could go wrong and fear it (my biggest hurdle right now).

The money. 

Although I believe knowledge is power it can also be my enemy.  There are so many different theories to increasing your chances of becoming pregnant with ivf.  It seems you can't do much right.

Staying positive.  So much harder the second time around.

What really is the bottom line:   Although I do feel more at ease with the treatment I am terrified.