I've been to three sessions now at the hospital for grieving parents of children in utero and beyond.  These parents have either lost their children while still in the womb or lost them up to 2 months after birth.  It has been very intense.  Each story is unique and each session I have come home in tears.  It basically ruins my Sunday nights.  I almost dropped out.  There are 3 other couples in the session and each one lost there child 20 weeks and beyond.  I didn't feel like I fit in.  I heard the dialog in my head to "get over it".  These families named their child, held their child and a few got to see them breathe air.  I on the other hand only have a profile of two babies on a screen to hold onto.  I have no idea what sex they were.  After speaking to the facilitator she encouraged me to return and reminded me of the reason we were gathering was the loss that we all felt not so much similarities in our stories.  I agree and decided to return.  Sometimes I get so caught up in the grief of infertility that I forget to grieve the loss of my babies.  They say if you don't take the time to grieve you won't be able to move on from it.  I'm trying to face it.  Especially with another invitro right around the corner.
I started work again about 2 weeks ago.  I have a new co worker this year and so far I'm liking her.  She informed me this week that her and her husband will be trying for baby #2 come December.  If anything goes sour with this invitro and my co worker is pregnant....the one I spend 9 hours a day with in a tiny room, i'm not to sure if I can go back to work.  Danny tells me to be more positive.  I say i'm being prepared.  Its heart wrenching and with a company golf tourtment this weekend my only thoughts are on the 3 women that will be there that are only a few weeks off from my due date.  I almost didn't go to that as well.  Danny talked me into it.   
Sometimes when I really think about it I can't believe that we are going through this.  That this is our reality.  Beyond all this I have been feeling the best that I have felt since this has all happened.  I'm not sure if i'm starting to think about invitro #2 now (which will begin in December!) and am getting excited or if i'm starting to come out on the other side of this muddle.  I lost myself for awhile.  Totally.  But it sure feels nice to see the sunshine again even if it is just a few rays!