Never Say Never.....

I read a book a few months ago about donor eggs. The book had a chapter called Never say never. What the author stated was that your reality is your now but in the world of infertility your “now” can change in an instance. Little did I know that around the corner our new now was waiting to make an appearance.

On December 9th I went for blood work that was related to our donor egg process. I had had a light period a few days prior which was strange for me. On my way home from the appointment I bought a pregnancy test. Just on a whim. Holy shit it was positive. I did three more tests after that. All positive. I called Danny hyperventilating on the phone. He thought I had been in a car accident. He laughed when I told him about the positive pregnancy test. I called our fertility clinic who got in touch with the labs and added a beta test onto the blood work. The next day they confirmed we were pregnant.

In the last 8 weeks I’ve had three ultrasounds that confirmed our baby was very much real and growing like it should. I have welcomed exhaustion, morning sickness and throbbing boobs with smiles. As I sit over the toilet throwing up my peanut butter toast my husband stands at the door with a great big smile on his face. After I wipe my mouth I look up at him and smile. Everything is as it should be.

My weight gain has been irrelevant although I know if I was not battling infertility It would be something I would keep tabs on. I eat whatever I want, whenever I want. I am so happy to be pregnant I will give my body whatever it wants. Fast food, chicken fingers, chips, you name it. At 11 weeks pregnant I have gained 6 pounds.

The fear lingers constantly. Some days I think were okay and others I don’t. We had a bleeding scare at 6 weeks. It started Christmas day and continued for three days. The first ultrasound confirmed all was well and the bleeding was coming from outside my cervix. From then on I have examined my toilet paper or check the toilet bowl after I use the washroom for any signs that something may be wrong. I have goggled more than once “Loss of pregnancy symptoms”, “cramping”, “statistics of pregnancy loss”. Each time I shut down the computer feeling doomed. Too much information is not always a good thing.

I posted our announcement on facebook today. Something I was so happy to do. It read something like this:

“After a long road of trying to create a family we are so happy to announce that we have been blessed with a natural pregnancy. We would like to thank everyone for your support during all our treatments through the last 3 years and look forward to welcoming baby Holloway into our family in August”.

In three minutes there was 15 comments. I went all out and posted pics like a normal person does. Everyday I shake my head... I can’t believe this is happening to us. This is what it feels like to be given a miracle. Wow.