Almost Normal

Things are looking up.
I can’t explain how amazing it is to say that after living through hell for over a year. I am not pregnant but I am feeling excellent, for the most part.
Hubby got a new job. We are both very excited about the opportunities that this new job will bring for us and our future family. He got a 55% raise, a company truck, gas card and 4 weeks’ vacation. With a new company truck we were able to sell our Honda Civic which gave us 6 thousand dollars toward our baby fund. His attitude has totally changed. He’s fun to be around, laughing, goofing around. The old Danny, before infertility, is back and I love it. This new job opportunity now gives us the stability we needed in order to go ahead with the donor egg cycle. We will be flying to Colorado in January and hopefully be pregnant by the summer.
I do have great news to do with me but I can’t elaborate just yet as were still in the midst of paper work but Danny is not the only one with new opportunities coming his way! More on that soon!
Physically I feel great. I still have weight on which I’d like to try to get off for my brother’s wedding at the end of the month. The weight being an extra 10 pounds. When I was pregnant with the twins the nurse told me the more weight you put on the better the chances of carrying them full term. So I ate a lot. And when I lost them….the weight was still there. And in the midst of my grief and confusion I could have cared less about the extra weight I had put on as I was just trying to get through the day. But now…I’d like to get it off and keep it off.
Hope is returning. I am still angry. I am pissed actually. But I have accepted that things just aren’t’ going to turn out the way I thought they would and with acceptance comes peace and with peace…..the real me peeks out again and I can feel me again. And if feels so good to feel ‘almost’ normal again.