Know that were thinking of you and your family.
So I taught a lecture on Thursday afternoon to 110 first year med students on infertility. I was so nervous. It did help that one of the nurses from the clinic joined me. She did the clinical part of our case and I gave my perspective from the patient's point of view. It went well. Afterwards about 7-8 students came up to me and thanked me which meant a lot since I was taking unpaid time off work to be there. One student even said I changed her point of view. It was a positive experience and I am glad I did it. It did however bring emotions and memories back up to the surface. Feelings that I bury, ignore or just plain refuse to deal with surfaced during my recount of what has happened over the past 2 years. I didn't cry but I felt it again. That horrible ache, that scream of "ITS NOT FAIR" or "WHY US". It was all there afterwards. And then I had a hard time walking away those emotions to carry on with my day. They were strong and they were real. It was a reminder that I'm still healing, that there is still pain and anger. No matter how busy I keep myself it is all still there.
So keeping myself busy is what I have been doing. We went out and brought home a puppy a week ago. I think this must be some kind of therapy for those of us yearning for a baby. There is some joy in laying on the floor with a 8 week old puppy and having your face licked to death. Or having to get up in the mornings with a whining little puppy. Or cat napping with her on the couch on Sunday afternoons. However our big dog is not happy. The vet said it will take a few weeks and I have seen some improvements since we brought her home last week. Her name is Mya and she is a lab cross cocker spaniel.
Such a cutie Teacher!!! Hope Mya brings that ray of sunshine everyday!
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