Good for her. Bravo. Congrats. What I wanted to say was shut up....or something along those lines.
You see in my line of work my coworker being pregnant could be a bit of an issue. She isn't in some cubical in our office building, she is in a room the size of my kitchen for 9 hours with me. I have to stare at her growing belly and hear her talk about her second baby in less than a year with no escape for nine hours. She is aware of our issues and knows that we will be starting ivf# 2 next month. But to be honest if you really don't know me, like on a personal level, or have never battled infertility, it is difficult to put yourself there.
I knew people were thinking of me when she made her announcement. I know people were even talking about me behind my back. It is the downfall of working with less than 20 staff. Everyone knows everything.
I told danny that I wouldn't go back to work if anything happened like it did before. I wouldn't be able to stand seeing her considering we will only be 3 mo. apart. How devastating is that. The thought makes me sick. I haven't signed my contract for this exact reason.
Everyone is telling me to be more positive. I am having such a hard time with this. I am so much more cautious. It is even difficult for me to imagine myself pregnant again. If all goes well our babies will be born October 14th, my grandfathers birthday. That has got to mean something doesn't it?
Anyways, I've had a rough week. I've been a bit obsessive with my new routine and have had some slip ups with both caffeine and alcohol. With these slip ups comes guilt. Come on.... with Halloween and a few parties, I slipped. So I felt really guilty all week and then with the news of my coworker. This week marks 12 weeks till transfer.
I pray for positive outlook. I pray for strength. I pray for faith and hope. I pray this works.
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